i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
