if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
