I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
