My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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