This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have post one night stand depression
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