I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
MIDGETS
????
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
