Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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