There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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