North Korea, Best Korea!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
