No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
