Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
