Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
