i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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