Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
