i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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