Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
