If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
