i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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