Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
