First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
