nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
