Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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