I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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