So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
