New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
