And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
