My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
