I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So squirting runs in the family.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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