I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
