overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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