Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
handjob tips. give me some.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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