he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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