Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
