Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
