you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
