Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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