Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
