My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
