first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's always time for handjobs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
