I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
