i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
