worst night to have a conscience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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