This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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