He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize