She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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