oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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