Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am spending my child support on dildos
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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