Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
