I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize