I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
