drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
