First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
40s are totally the cure
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
