Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
