Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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