i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
