oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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