Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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