i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
