My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
