doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
God, I missed his penis.
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