I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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