Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
