I puked a lego.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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