I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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