Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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