ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
