We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
