What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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