hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
