Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Damn victory sex feels great
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
